Let Them Eat Cake

By Timothy Birdsell

​When Marie-Antoinette said that during the French Revolution, I doubt she even thought about people being lactose intolerant and couldn’t eat cake. Of course not. People still don’t give it much thought unless you are one of the 30 million Americans (MedlinePlus (www.medlineplus.gov) n.d.) that has some level of lactose intolerance or you cook for one with the disorder – like my wife.

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A bit on my background, I was born on a dairy farm, yet didn’t discover I was lactose intolerant until I was 58. I have severe reactions to even the slightest amount of lactose. So much so, I must scour the ingredients of everything that goes into my mouth. From alcohol to medicines – lactose can be found in everything. A few years ago, I had a kidney infection, and the doctor put me on an antibiotic (pill). Within 24 hours, I was in the emergency room for dehydration. Granted, I was already sick, so my defenses were down, but the tiny amount of lactose gave me diarrhea to the point where I was dehydrated and had to go to the hospital and had 3 bags of fluid put into me.

For me, lactose just doesn’t affect my digestive system, and it also has a negative impact on my mood. Often when I have mistakenly ingested lactose, Traci will detect it in my mood before my stomach has time to respond. I’m sure she can give you an example or two.

So, what are some other things where you wouldn’t think about milk being an ingredient: most bread, some crackers, and all kinds of candy (oh, and true lactose-free dark chocolate is very hard to find), so no chocolate. AND NO DONUTS, MY FAVORITE!

Managing the disorder at home is easy using vegan milk, butter, and cheese. Traci can fix amazing – lactose-free – meals. She recently made lasagna and it was outstanding. She has also made some homemade biscuits a couple of times, and I made sausage gravy.

But when we go out to eat, which we love to do, we have to be very careful. For example, when we are out for breakfast, and I want an omelet, I have to ask if they grease the grill with butter or oil. There are two places in town where I can get a hamburger because the buns they use do not have milk. You would think with over 30 million Americans having some level of a milk allergy, that more restaurants would offer lactose-free options on their menu. Plus, there’s the vegan community that would appreciate it also. We recently discovered that the Mellow Mushroom has a vegan cheese on their menu, so we are frequently seen there for their amazing pizza.
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Well, I guess until restaurants start adding lactose-free items to their menu, I’ll keep interrogating the staff with my questions and concerns.